2017, you were cool.

I find myself sadder about 2017 being over now that I'm a mom. The idea that time goes so fast is so much more real now. 

2017 was one of the best years of my life and yet also the most challenging. We went to Utah, Disney World, and California. We lost loved ones. We spent time with family. We spent time doing the things we love because we knew that, come October, things would be different.

Being pregnant was tough, I really didn't enjoy it. Having a baby was tough, I was in labor for 32 hours and ended up with a c-section. Recovering from a c-section is no joke...You don't realize how valuable working abs are when you can’t sit up on your own! 

Even with all the challenges, I have the most amazing little girl. It is a magical experience that one day this baby is inside you, not fully convinced they're going to come, and the next day having this little baby in your arms wondering where all the love came from, not fully understanding how you could love one person so much so quickly. 

Breastfeeding is tough. It hurts and for something that should be naturally intuitive to both you and baby, it's not. It takes practice and time. I am now able to successfully feed my daughter and it has gotten easier! It took me a good month to start feeling like it was something I could do. And I certainly couldn't do it without the help of the lactation consultant.

My world turned upside down.

I can’t come and go as I please, I can’t shower when I want, I can’t get things done around the house easily. My friends don’t really reach out anymore, just assume I can’t do anything (that was during pregnancy as well) and I feel like all I do is feed and do laundry. I feel fat, tired, and hungry ALL OF THE TIME. It’s especially tough because it seems like these changes don’t apply to my husband, just me.

But then you look down at this little girl who smiles just at the sound of your voice. You snuggle with this little girl to get her to go to sleep. You realize that sometimes you are the only thing that can calm her down and you forget about all the challenges and changes. You realize the only thing that matters is this little baby that loves you and needs you. It’s hard to explain, but every time I pick her up, I am the happiest I have ever been.

You realize that even though everything is different, you wouldn’t want it any other way.  

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You try to remember what life was like before the baby was born, and it doesn’t seem like there was ever a life without her. I think that’s because you can’t imagine a life without her.

So, 2017, thank you. You brought me joy and you brought me loss. You brought vacations and new challenges. You taught me that I must learn to deal with everything being ‘unknown’ and that I need to just wing it most of the time now. I can’t be as planned as I like. That this life will now be chaotic and fun. You taught me that it’s okay to ask for help and allow people to do things for me. 2017, you gave me the best job there is and showing me what true happiness feels like. 

I’m excited for 2018 and what it brings to my family.